I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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