suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.