dude i'm inner monologue high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM