She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
