I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
