He is such a slut. More and more my type.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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