he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
