i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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