I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
