I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
