She is in my trunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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