Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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