He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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