She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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