I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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