You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
