You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
