I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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