It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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