Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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