I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
