Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
