8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
