i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
