I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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