I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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