i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
