Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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