I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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