Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
