How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
