I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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