I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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