I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hippo gnu deer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
