do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
