Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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