I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
