Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
