so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
