You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
