There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
