I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
