i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
