Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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