I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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