did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
