One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
