Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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