The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
