I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Never underestimate the power of titties
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
