:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
