her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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