So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
