the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
