you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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