we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
