im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
