i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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