Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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