Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Farmville is her only friend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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