I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
