Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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