Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
