I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
