I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
