i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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