so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
