bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
