well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
pray to the hookup gods
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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