you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
