I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
