I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
