I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
