"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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