Just fell off a train. Bad.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
